#3 - Aliens Vs Predator 2 - 2007
"What the fuck are you? "
-- Col Stevens.
Though it's better than the film proceeded it (Which isn't saying a lot really. Herpes is better than Cancer, but I still wouldn't want either), 'Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem', to give it its full title, still shows that you can't just throw shit at the wall and hope it sticks. It manages to get some things right over the original film (The violence mainly) while showing all the same faults (Everything else).
The story, such as it is, takes place immediately after the closing moments of the original film. The 'PredAlien' (Sigh) has just hatched and dispatched the remaining Predators on board the spaceship heading home. One Predator, showing that he was probably one of the special Predators at School, proceeds in trying the blast the shit out of the marauding PredAlien and thus blasting holes throughout the Spaceship and sends it hurtling to Earth. It crash lands in the wilderness where a Father and Son are hunting together. Doing fatherly-son things like teaching the kid to shoot a Deer in the face. But these are hunters of course, so they have to do it from a fair distance away. Lord forbid they'd give the thing a fighting chance. Anyway, the facehuggers on board the ship escape, killing the Father and Son.
On that note I should care that they've killed of a kid so soon, but I feel nothing. Mainly because the kid gets about all of one line, and because it was undoubtedly thought 'edgy' that they kill a cute little Kid in the opening. Here's the thing, it worked so well in 'Assault from Precinct 13' because aside from John Carpenter being by far and away a better film maker, it serves the purpose of moving the plot forward and has the bonus of being completely unexpected (At least the first time you see it, subsequent viewings just show it as a wonderfully paced sequence). It's just one thing that shows how wrong headed this film is.
There's more of a story of course, but not too much more. It's not hard to work out what happens. The 'plot' such as it is serves as an excuse to get some Alien on Predator action, as it should be. But sadly they insist on throwing things like characters and dialogue in the way. No one is watching this film because they really want to see some angsty Humans work through their problems. They want to see a Predator throwing a spear through an Alien. It's a simple formula really. Some Aliens, some Predators and they fight. It's like watching a boxing match that should be a great fight, but the Referee keeps getting in the way. It's infuriating for everyone involved, and no one walks away happy. Certainly not me.
If there's one thing the film gets right it's the effects. There's something heart warming to see practical effects still being used in the age of CGI. But even this gets ruined by the fight scenes seemingly being filmed with the lenscap left on. It's tempting to play around with the contrast on your TV, should you feel it's acting a little kooky. But rest assured, the film makers wanted the film to look that way.
All in all I don't know what I was expecting really. In summary, there's Aliens and Predators, they fight, people die and there's some set up for a sequel. If you ask me you're better off watching Danny "Too old for this shit" Glover taking on a Predator in the underrated 'Predator 2'. I mean what's not to love? There's Glover, LA riots, Jamacian Gangsters, Voodoo and Gary Busey. Plus it has the eternally great Bill Paxton, the only Actor to be killed by a Terminator, Alien and a Predator.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is a truefact.
Well I'll be back tomorrow hopefully with something far more enjoyable. Hopefully.
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